Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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