I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
