I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
