Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
