To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
