hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
