I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
