Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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