I could have mohawked her pubes.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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