For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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