Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
