Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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