how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
