I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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