Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
