i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You are a genius and a whore.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
