I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
