did you get engaged???
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
