the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i out mim tonsoeep
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
