We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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