I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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