I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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