Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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