You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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