don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
