i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
