i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
