For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
