I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
