lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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