So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
