p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
