i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
