hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
