If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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