he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
