i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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