remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
