you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
