I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
