I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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