It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
3 2 1 whiskey
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
