The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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