So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
