We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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