This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
