Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
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Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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