I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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