someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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