god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
