It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
