Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
