We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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