I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
