obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She bit a glass in half.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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