check it out our google latitudes are spooning
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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