So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
