two words: eviction party
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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