I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize