I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
