My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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