I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
