We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize