dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
