too bad you live with your parents still
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I party with great urgency now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
