Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Will exercising make me less horny?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
