this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Everything about him screamed your future.
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Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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