No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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