If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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