Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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