I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
