Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
