I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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