do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
