Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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