Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize