If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
