you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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