Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
