apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
