He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
