How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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