There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
