Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
...so i touched it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
