I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
