I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
