He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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